It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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