just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
