He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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