i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So much rum. So many feels.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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