Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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