true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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