Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
