Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
