.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
