i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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