I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
