Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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