It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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