I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
