She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
