I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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