I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
