i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
