i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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