Ambien. No doubt about it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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