He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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