Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
