I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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