So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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