you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
