The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
