What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she peed on how many people?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
