Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
