i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
