Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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