I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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