I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
