3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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