I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
