I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
