dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
