my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
