At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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