She said her name was "party"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
