Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i now understand why vodka
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
