Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
