I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
