I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize