I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
