ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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