I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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