i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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