All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
