When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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