Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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