She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
