is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
