guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
