after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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