just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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