i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
