she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
