Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
