grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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