why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
