Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He did a backflip because drugs
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