she woke up with a sticky ear
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize