I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
