The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
