dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
