I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
